Supporting your child to go to school without compromising your relationship
They said it couldn't be done. No way will you get your child over his fear of school without forcing him. Some even claimed my child was bullying me to get his way and that I need to be tougher. These comments hurt, because parents second guess themselves already! But I have a strong value of respecting my child. And I want him to know that how he feels, and knowing that we love and support him no matter what, comes first!
So, how did we get him to go to school?
First of all, the school was great, once they realized the seriousness of the situation. The teacher came up with a plan of two check-ins, which our son could discretely move to the right time of day for him to be checked on. And the school finally heard me, that some of their signs are a form of shaming kids, who are already trying their best, ie:
On their recommendation, we will also work on his resiliency (and mine) when we see things like this, or we don't get a response to important emails, because sometimes other people do not see how what they are doing is hurtful to another.
But, how did WE get over the hurdle on our end?
My husband was always PRO school, but, because I have taken so much training on respectful parenting (Gordon Neufeld, Alfie Kohn, Active Parenting), I am hyper-sensitive to the way children tend to be disrespected by most adults, especially at school. So, I was honestly on the fence.
I was willing to let my son decide what he wanted to do. Because of his undefined identity center in Human Design, I knew that the best place for him, to grow into his best self, was where he felt most comfortable. That said, I also knew, from his Soul Contract, that he would have a tendency to be over-reliant on us, and from the astrology for our wedding date, I knew that the truth would come out. Described in detail, here: How much are you willing to trust your child.
So, the truth.
Yesterday I sat down to do some modified Divine Healing with my son:
First he got himself comfortable in a beanbag chair. Then he felt the energy in the different rocks and crystals to see which would give him strength, and support him to feel safe. Then he chose some cards.
The first card he chose was: (which I describe in more detail here):
Then he drew:
Signifying to me that there has been battles and he is trying to manifest something from this. Then I drew:
After that we did some Divine Healing. He did tune out with his tablet for a bit, and then eventually he left the room. But I did speak with him to confirm and correct the things that were important. We identified some things to have in his school bag for support and various ways to push through the fear of getting into the class, so he could have fun, which is what he wanted.
We cleared some issues in his Soul Contract and I took a deeper look at his Astrology:
I realized his North Node is in Sagittarius in the first house, sextile (135 degrees from) his Uranus in Aries. If you look at my natal astrology chart:
You will see my Uranus is conjunct (very close) to my Sun, and my rising sign is Aries. Remember, his Uranus is in Aries, sextile to his North Node. Uranus is a genius and a rule breaker and if it is conjunct my Sun, its really part of who I am at my core. Also, whatever is sextile to someone's North Node, represents someone in their past life who made it a little too easy for them to avoid doing the hard stuff in life. I.e., their support caused you to fall short of your goals.
Of course, there is more to this story than this, but this is enough to see that I am getting a second chance to be a better support for him this time around. I am not here to make it easy for him to break the rules, I am here to support him to work through his fears instead.
This morning I did some healing on myself, and pulled this card:
This is meaningful to me because my Astrology suggests that I may have had a past life similar to that of Martin Luther (not Martin Luther King), and I wrote an article about my son: Our own little Ghandi.
So, do I still carry the energy of Martin Luther? You bet! I am so quick to be outraged when people do things that I think are unethical! And I will nail them to the wall, much like Martin Luther nailed his accusations on the door of the church. I literally have visceral memories of that experience!
But, this card is asking me to step up and be more like Martin Luther King. Use non-violent tactics this time, don't be the warrior who has to live in exile because her views are too radical and presented in a way that some may perceive as violent. I need to work on calming my fire, and speaking with an open heart, so I can see the light in others, and give them the benefit of the doubt.
After all, as I share here. Earth is a school for all of us!
Finally I pulled these cards:
My wish was to smooth the path, for my son and my family, however it may turn out, with no attachment, and then simply to trust.
When I got my son ready for another attempt at school, I laughed with him, I pumped him up with silly rhymes and reminders of his tools to push through the fear, and off to school he went. He still didn't think he would make it in, but, he did!
My husband gave him the choice between walking or driving, and a wonderful staff member greeted him at the door, and in he went.
When I picked him up at the end of the day, he cheered: "Full day of school, it wasn't that bad, it was great! I am going full day, everyday!"
The staff at the school commented how this was unconventional: to have a family who really gives their child a lot of choice. But we did it. No tears, and our relationship is in tact. Not only that, we now have a better relationship with the school.
I swallowed my pride, and I learned even more how important it is to check in with your child, to see what is really going on. And to check in with yourself, and remember we are all here to learn. Just because he is a child right now, doesn't mean I'm not the one learning a lesson too. His soul may be older and wiser than mine.
Manifest my boy, we have your back!
If you want to be able to see your child in a positive way, no matter what challenges you may be facing, I have a workshop coming up. You can get more details about it here.
Love and Bless, Strong Family!
MSc Psychology (Stress and Health)