Updated: Dec 16, 2020
I wrote the article Something to focus on in your December 21st 2020 meditation (before and beyond), and later that night, I realized there may be more to the story.
I have not been sleeping well for almost 2 weeks, this has happened a lot. I realized that this is about facing trauma, and I am not afraid, just curious.
I was abused by a spiritual teacher when I was a child. I have often looked for proof for the severity of the abuse. At times I have made peace with it, and some people have labelled this as Stockholm Syndrome. Then I saw a picture of him a year or two ago, and you can tell by his face that he is a very angry man.
My mother can not recognize faces, so maybe she couldn’t tell. My dad called him Perer-face, so maybe he could tell, but he didn’t want to get involved. He was scared.
I remember hiding in the closet reading Agatha Christie books, I barely understood them, but they were long, and hard covered, and this felt like a safe place to hide.
This person stalked me when I went to the corner store and when I went to the library. I did things to my self that caused me great pain and shame to try to stop the abuse, with no success, and I also packed a lot of anger into my shoulders (as my shoulders dislocate, and I had to do exercises to strengthen them, while he threatened me, I just packed the pain).
A coach/healer was convinced I was raped, but there was no physical proof.
There was also no physical proof that he chased my father down the street with a chef’s knife, for offering to continue to pay for my ballet classes, but the memory is crystal clear in my mind just the same.
A numerologist told me recently that I have not let go of shit, and maybe she is right, I still remember but have not cleared it all from my body yet, but I seek to. To eventually move from the mother to the crone, my couldron (see image below) must be empty, and cried dry. Then, what I give to others is theirs alone, not mingled in with my trauma. It takes years to clear trauma, many many layers, but it’s worth it!
Power to the woman who do this work, and gratitude to Sasha Stone who says to the men: “Are you men? Step up now and protect your women and children!” He has also weeped for the children in the caves. Look it up, or send me the link to the specific video and I’ll add it here.
Also grateful to Matias De Stefano who reminds me that I am of the Mu people, peace with the earth and water, and I am also elite Atlantean (two souls), and my husband is Thalan (or Neptune). He may obscure reality or he may filter it for me so I can see.
I remembered in the book Wired for God, the author speaks to the ability of her spiritual teachers to sexually assault her, without being physically present. I am messed up when it comes to power and sex for sure!
Being the way I am can destroy good relationships, see: We need to be more honest with our kids and Your children need you to see them for who they really are!
The point of this article is multi-fold.
1) in RestoreChi (TCM), the kidneys are related to the element of Water.
2) in Find Your Truth, the kidney function circle is related to the element of Air, and the Lung/Large Intestines (letting go) is related to the element of Water.
In Find Your Truth, we walk through the phases of being born from the watery womb to the Air of Earth. Breathing in our first breath marks the start of life and the start of your contract (be it Astrology, Human Design, Gene Keys, with their embedded lessons from the i’Ching and otherwise, encoded into your body, which is spiritual technology), and shortly after this you are given a name, which draws to you all your remaining life experiences (through Soul Contract), and there is more. All of this is unseen, but true!
The shift from Water to Air is painful and scary for many. This is why the baby cries at birth, not just to clear the Airways.
When I was about 10yrs old I was given the spiritual name Ganga. I hated the way it felt in my throat to say this name (the throat is how we manifest, issues there are related to having a father who failed to show you how to make it safely in the world, see Find Your Truth), so when I was about 12yrs old, I asked another teacher to give me a new name, he gave me the same one.
It wasn’t until a few years ago that I was told Ganga purifies everything with water, she is the hair of the lord Shiva, and I think she travels into the world unprotected.
Notice how Shiva here also looks like Neptune, with a snake (my chinese astrological sign) around his neck. He lets me go forth, but does he understand me and does he feel pain too when he can not protect me?
It hurts to go out into this world unprotected, and to transmute all this pain. I am also a Scorpio sun-sign, another water element that transforms and transcends.
In any case, getting to the point. In the article above (about what to focus on in your meditation) I recommend being very idealistic: thinking about the perfect life, very Venus, very Libra, an Air sign.
But, Neptune is in Pisces, and in Pisces what was once stable, falls apart, see: I Heart Huckabees. This is part of the process of waking up. Everything you know is deconstructed to build a new structure of higher truth.
So, when people ask for physical proof of the harm from fhive-ghee or the new wack-seen, or the veye-rus for that matter, maybe that is not enough, maybe that is too simple.
If people can be rapped with no physical contact, how you feel (emotions, Water), can certainly be controlled by the Air waves (whyfi, fhive-gee).
My husband keeps saying “there is no fhive-gee”, yet he also says: “if he gets cohvid and they can send him away to incubate him, I will never see him again, they won’t let me in, due to fear of contagion“.
Does that ^^ sound like good health care to you?: if you get sick, you may be separated from your family and killed, by obstructing your airway, under the guise of trying to help, and even if you die from other causes, they will chalk it up to cohvid, if they can get their faulty test to test positive, and they do, just to keep numbers up and people gagged with masks, so they can not breathe, or live.
And I see it all, as painfully as I saw the abuse, whether parts if it happened physically or not.
As I pondered this, looking at the flashing lights of our entertainment set up, it occurred to me: that kind of technology is child’s play, fragile, easy to blow up.
Our middle child, who brought me a lot of this work and wisdom, broke all kinds of hospital machines and smashed both our cell phones screens with her birth (no contact). I blew an electric box off our home by accident a few years ago (from inside the house, just sitting on my couch unable to sleep).
When I asked what to do asked, and I was told “run the grids”, there is one for your personal body and one for buildings and places. Never run the one for buildings and places on your physical body (it can shred your energy), and never make your car invisible or you may not be seen by other drivers, but still be hit by them. Poke around the “tools” section of the site to find other gems (like protecting your energy, clearing the energy of others, dealing with anger, aligning your chakras).
If you don’t want to be idealistic and build a better tomorrow, run the grids to protect us from a worse tomorrow.
In the end, it doesn’t matter, we all die, but we can try harder to be less stupid. To embrace our spiritual technology. To care about others, to love them enough, even when they hurt us because of their pain. We need to transmute this shit and raise this planet, or the unseen in the Air will get us, and there is only so much I can transmute through Water alone. That said, I am surrounded by children who have gradually taken on more Air, maybe they can play and fight where I can not.
We are in this together, for our planet, for the galactic confederation, we can do a lot better than this. Money does not matter! Grades do not matter, but mastery of your skills does! I can teach you some things, I can’t do this alone, but I will continue to try, you sleep so deeply and hurt me so much, and none of us “see” a thing. Neptune in Piesces, beware!
In numerology, my husband is the skilled magician, my son and I are the intelligent, intuitive, and grounded hierophants, our middle child is the lovers (who have chained themselves to material things in the devil card, the noose around their necks can easily be removed, but will they be able to pass through Water and let go?).
My hope is, with the arrival of our youngest child, all Air in her main three points of astrology, the high priestess in numerology, and more that I will not share, I hope so!
So, if you’re not going to be idealistic, to support us to build with light in the 4th dimension, for a better tomorrow, for us all (see: Something to focus on in your December 21st 2020 meditation (before and beyond), interestingly, in this article I refer to us being blind in the sign of Capricorn - the way we do business, with Neptune’s placement there, and the sign of Capricorn is associated with the Tarot card above called “the devil”, which is the lovers chained to their material stuff like it matters, when it does not), maybe you will consider running the grids, instead:
The world and the children thank you!
I hope this song is for all of us from God, we need to remember, we are loved!: