I have a deep respect for youths who are able to stand up and speak their mind. I can feel their pain, and I love that they voice it. This allows us to know where they might need some support. I was one of those teens, not too long ago. If only Avril knew about Human Design, she might have been less harsh on her boyfriend, in her song "Complicated".
Photo from https://www.amazon.de/Let-Go-Avril-Lavigne/dp/B00006GEKB
Lyrics to Avril's song taken from here, please read the lyrics circled in RED.
A lot of people talk about empaths, and how being an empath is so hard, I wrote all about the emotional system here.
But, surprisingly, a lot of people who claim to be empaths are not really empaths in the Human Design sense, by which I mean their Emotional System is not open, and they do not carry the channel that would make them more sensitive to other people's emotions. Instead, they have an open Identity Center (which can be "worse").
Open, in Human Design, means the center is not coloured in.
Here is an example:
Image from: http://loveyourhumandesign.com/2009/12/16/the-open-g/
The diamond in the center is the Identity Center (sometimes called the G center). When someone has this open (not coloured in), then they take on the identity of others. They are like a mirror, and they don't just take on their identity, they amplify it, and they take the fall for the group.
My son has an open Identity Center, so I know all about it. Here is a video where I describe him and his friend, who also has an open Identity Center.
The Open Identity Center in Human Design
If you watch the video above, you will see, these kids, and people, are canaries in the coal mines. They tell you the tone for the classroom or the work/friendship setting. They need to listen to themselves and leave environments that do not feel good to them, or when they find they do not like themselves when they are around certain people.
But this takes time to get used to and to feel ok saying "yeah, I don't feel so good in this class, workplace, restaurant, with these people, so I am going to leave so I can save myself".
I have had many clients with open Identity Centers who became so much happier with life when they could finally say NO to situations that just made them feel unwell. No explanation needed.
I have also had many clients with spouses or children who are, like Avril, very frustrated that their kids or spouse seems out of control, seems to follow the crowd, seems to become "somebody else, round everyone else".
They miss that this is a gift, they blame their spouse or child for the behaviour, when the spouse or child is, in some sense, a victim to the environment, until they realize they can always leave!
When I ask my son why he gets so out of control in some settings, and then he is so calm when we leave a group of people, he says "he can't help it", its true. He doesn't want to lose control of himself, but this is what he signed up for! For the betterment of the whole. The canary in the coal mine.
So, next time you get frustrated with a loved one, or yourself, for being like someone else, maybe consider taking a look at your or their Human Design. You can always email me at email@example.com for a free copy of your or your loved ones' charts, or go here to book a free, no obligation, 15min consultation.
What I found most interesting, is you would think this was a rare occurrence, when in fact: 50% of the population have an open Identity, and 50% have an open Emotional System (and a few more have the channel where they feel other's emotions amplified), and some have both!
So, this sensitivity to others is actually more the norm, than the exception.
In my experience with my clients, it seems men tend to be more negatively affected, criticized, or blamed if they have an open Identity Center, and women tend to feel they suffer more from an open Emotional System. Maybe because men are "supposed to" hold their identity and be sure, and women are "supposed to" get a handle on their emotions? I don't know, but either way, its not fair to tell someone they should zip up their sensitivity so they can be like "everyone else" or "hold their own", as the case may be.
I feel it is really time we get to know ourselves and our kids and loved ones so we can take better care of ourselves, advocate for our needs, and be more respectful of the sensitivity of others. We are not alone, we impact each other deeply.
So lets be conscious and kind to one another!
Love and Blessings,
MSc Psychology, Stress and Health
Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash