Ideally, we want to understand and help kids before their behaviour becomes something we are afraid of. But things can move quickly — one day the child is small enough to be picked up and taken to another room so they can calm down in a safer environment, and the next they have become stronger than we can contain.

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To work with me directly, a child needs to be able to follow basic instructions — like keeping their fingertips on the Kirlian camera for five seconds without lifting or touching anyone else and staying in a red lit dark room (parent can be with them too) for a few minutes while the film develops. This is usually around age four or five. And I need to be able to trust them to be safe around breakable, expensive, and irreplaceable equipment.

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What most people mean by conduct disorder

 

Before writing this page, I looked up what most people mean by conduct disorder. What I found was:

• Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), linked to autism and driven by fear

• Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), linked to ADHD and driven by mood and anger, and

• Conduct Disorder as the most severe form — approaching what would be considered criminal behaviour.

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When I tune into this using my own sensitivity, I think the real question people are asking when they try to make a diagnosis is: to what degree can we trust this child not to cause physical or property damage and is there anything we can do to lessen the risk?

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What I saw with my youngest — and why early matters

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When my youngest entered public school I red-flagged her in a way that most parents would not. Standard procedure at the time was to accommodate the weak, not the strong. I tried to explain that the strong will hurt the weak if the needs of the strong go unmet. The teachers seemed to understand, but the administration did not. I decided to keep my child home until I could trust her not to hurt others — and in that time, I worked on helping her heal. This is what I have to offer clients too.

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I know this feels like a luxury

 

I know there are families out there who are in survival mode — big behaviours, no time, no money, no energy, no support. What I do can feel like a luxury most can’t even imagine or allow into their lives. I do everything I can to help as many people as I can. But people need to see value and want help for this to work.

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Sometimes the only possible starting point is to work with the parent first. When the parent feels better, they can start to wonder about their child's Unique Psychology. And when the child starts to feel like they are being heard — maybe then we can proceed to working with the child directly. That process is described here:

→ When a Diagnosis Isn't Enough | Understanding and Addressing What's Underneath

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What the behaviour is really saying

 

It is important to be grateful for the child who is raising a red flag. Something has gone wrong. Something needs to be made right. This work helps identify what.

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When the parent starts to feel better, something shifts for the child too. Children are exquisitely attuned to whether their parents feel ok, because parents are their key to survival.

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My work is not about behaviour management or getting a child to fit the system. It’s about understanding, and making right, so the child can grow into their unique self.

 

Why I can speak to this

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I grew up feeling like my needs weren't met. Having carried that for years and finally finding a way to let it go, I've realized that both positions (blaming others or feeling blamed) are lonely. No matter how a child is behaving, Esogetic Medicine can help, if they are able to respect the fragility of the equipment.

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A final note

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They say that girls go inward and boys go outward when something is not right. But the opposite is also true. All kids deserve help — even if at first we can only help their parents.

 

The child wants their parent returned to them whole more than anything else. There is nothing like when your child finally feels seen, understood, and supported by you — because your needs are met, and now you have room to hold space for them.

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You are part of the dynamic that got you and your child to where you are now. Healing your part is what creates an opening for your child to be reached by someone else. The people the system sends, when things escalate further, will not be able to offer your child what you can, when you have healed.

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To learn more:

→ When a Diagnosis Isn't Enough | Understanding and Addressing What's Underneath

→ Parenting Through Big Emotions | Understanding Reactions

→ Parenting Through Everyday Struggles | Unique Psychology

→ Getting Your Child Ready to Integrate With the Community is Part of Your Healing Journey too

→ Book a free 15-minute consultation

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