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Relationships — The Feedback System for Everything Else
If you keep attracting the same kind of person. If your relationships repeat the same patterns. If you can't get through to your partner. If you can't agree with your co-parent. If you're still waiting for an apology from your parents — you're looking at a relationship issue that mainstream therapy alone has yet solved.
Here's what's actually happening, and how we address it differently:
Every relationship is a feedback system for what you have left to resolve. You didn't choose the wrong people to be with, you chose exactly what was right for you for where you are at. This is literally why I had so much heartbreak before meeting my husband, those people were not right for me, and I was not right for them. One of us carried baggage the other was not fit to (unconsciously) help us heal.
Your partner will show you all the thigs you are failing to acknowledge them for. Your parents will show you when what you are doing pushes on their old wounds. Your co-parent will challenge you to separate what is yours from what is theirs, for the sake of your children. Your in-law, client, or coworker will irritate you beyond reason if there is something inside of you that you still need to heal. Your friend or collaborator will let you down if they path you are trying to go with them is not right. Your family member or acquaintance will be hard to reach if there is too much chaos inside of you for them to feel safe.
We mirror each other
It starts by accepting others for how they are designed and knowing that we are not a bad person because another person makes us feel a certain way. The next step is to release what we have been carrying from childhood so that how someone is is just how they are. This is where Esogetic Medicine begins to trump Unique Psychology.
What I know from the inside
The more I was able to understand my own parents the more I was free to do my own work in the world. No longer trying to do anything to prove them right or wrong or to try to earn their approval or love.
My parents didn't change. My understanding did. And that understanding was the thing that released me from waiting for acknowledgement or an apology.
This is what I offer in order to improve relationship health. A map of how the people in your life are built, so you know how to work with them more effectively and, when you are ready, treatment to help you let go of what you no longer need to carry, that is making your life harder than it needs to be.
I still struggle with my partner
Because we are meant to keep growing, by finding better ways to express ourselves. Making decisions for our kids or our home can be hard. But I know we both want what is best for our family, and a lot of my frustration comes from not having enough energy or time, so if I'm doing something, I want it to be done, not held back, for someone else's opinion on how things should be done. We are all a work in progress. The questions is: are you going to keep learning with the person you are with, or are you going to start over with someone new? Some people believe that we learn more in relationships than we can on our own (for those of you who think the single life is what will suit you best).
My Healing Timeline has moved to its own page
What makes relationships hard
Most relationship difficulty comes from one of three places:
Not understanding how the other person is built
What looks like stubbornness is often a design that needs more time to process. What looks like coldness is often a design that needs more space. What looks like opposition is often a fundamentally different strategy for navigating life. When you can see how someone is built, you stop taking this personally.
Not understanding how you are built or what you carry as an attracting factor.
Your triggers, your needs, your impact on others — most of us were never taught that we are unique, let alone that we can look this uniqueness up (from many angles). Because it is so hard to get people to let things go and to help them heal, we are not told that the chaos inside of us is what draws more difficult experiences into our lives.
Not understanding what each relationship is here to teach us.
The pivotal people in our lives — the ones who challenge us most, hurt us most, confuse us most — are often playing the exact role we wanted them to play for us, so we could learn what we needed to learn. Knowing this helps us focus on the lesson so we can move past it with gratitude, instead of staying stuck.
How relationships connect to everything else
Relationships don't sit alongside your mental/physical health, your parenting, or your ability to step out into the world.
Difficult relationships put a strain on all aspects of our health (just like good relationships help lighten the load).
Kids react when they feel unresolved tension between or within the adults that they rely on for survival. It is nearly impossible for your business to run well if you are not acting in alignment, unless you are willing to sacrifice your physical and mental health, masking the symptoms as much as you can in order to keep doing your job. Even when you venture out to try to do something that you think is more aligned, life will test you to make sure what you are putting out there is in alignment with who you are meant to be. Everything takes longer than you may think to get to where you need to be. You have a lifetime (sometimes more) to master it.
Esogetic Medicine has several treatments to address issues with mother, father, our perception of the world, and how we can make space for I, you, and we.
What this work offers
Unique Psychology can show you two people side by side, so you can understand how they are alike, different, likely to thrive or experience friction, and what each person needs.
This is not blind couple's therapy. We open the hood to everyone's car, so we can see what parts are compatible and what parts are simply too different, and how they can work together.
Divine Healing (using our subconscious) and Esogetic Medicine (using Kirlian Photography) shows us what remains to be healed. Healing issues in us or our kids means we will no longer attract this difficulty anymore. Wouldn't that be nice? To simply be done with a certain flavour of difficult people?
A lot of kids repeat their parents unresolved conflict, so their parents can see it from a different perspective. Most parents would prefer their kids not have to suffer in order for them to learn to let go. When a parent heals, parent and child can become closer, but neither is able to heal, the hurt just gets passed and it grows. We can't push others to heal, but we can heal ourselves, and this allows us to see everyone with more compassion.
What clients say:
"I feel such gratitude for all the valuable insights and information you have shared with me. You have no idea how it impacted the way I see my husband — and that was so needed right now."
— Patricia W.
Here are some ways this work can be applied:
In addition to what was shared in the Relationship section of the Feel Seen Page:
Your Partner
Understanding how you and your partner are built the same or different, why you are attracted to each other, and how you can work together in a more conscious and supportive way.
Your Parents
Freeing yourself from waiting for acknowledgement that may never come, by understanding what your parents went through before you had words to remember.
Your Co-Parent
Seeing that you both want the best for your kid, and that fighting your co-parent, instead of trying to understand and give them credit for where they are coming from, hurts your child, you and your child win when you allow your child access to the best of both worlds.
When No One Will Listen
What to do when the other person is not ready, interested, or available to do the work, or hear what you know to be true (hint heal yourself and the people around you change).
Sharing Alternative Perspectives
Many people come into this work reluctant, and then when they learn this stuff, it becomes hard to explain, which can make them doubt if it is true, that is the problem with verbal therapy, it relies on things that non-verbal therapy (like Esogetic Medicine) can get you past, without even needing to know how and why it works
Frequently Asked Questions
Does the other person need to be involved for this to help?
No. Understanding how someone else is built is information you can have regardless of whether they participate. Many clients come alone and find that their understanding of the other person shifts the dynamic significantly — because they stop reacting in the ways that were keeping the pattern alive. I have however worked with the whole family dynamic and that can be very rewarding, if everyone is ready to see what is really there. Often one person is not, but that doesn't mean that those who were ready to see aren't gifted with the knowledge. I try my best to make sure all information is held with kindness and that nothing is held against anyone.
Is this for relationships that are in crisis, or also for ones that are just stuck? Both. Crisis relationships need clarity most urgently. But it's refreshing when people just want to learn how to do better. Often, if a relationship is in crisis, its because the relationship may not be right to begin with, it was entered into wrong, each person can no longer be who they really are, but they are holding together for the wrong reasons. There are all kinds of attachment issues that can be tied into what is going on, and this is where Esogetic Medicine can help people finally see things in a radically different way. Another option is using the Information Field.
Can this help with relationships that have already ended?
Yes — particularly with parents and co-parents, where the relationship continues regardless of its form. Understanding and respecting the other for their strengths and needs helps any relationship. And it can help you heal, even after they are gone, because a part of them lives inside of you.
What if I want to understand my relationship with my child specifically?
Is this available online?
Unique Psychology, Divine Healing, and RestoreChi are fully available online. Kirlian Photography and Esogetic Treatment require an in-person visit to Oakville, Ontario (although self-treatment and other diagnostic techniques are available online).
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Online sessions available worldwide. In-person sessions in Oakville, Ontario. Alahnnaa Campbell | MSc Psychology & Neuroscience, Stress and Health