Are forcing your child to conform, because you feel you can not change the system?
Updated: Jul 27
A lot of people have a strong negative reaction to the ideas that I share, about respecting our children to develop (at their own rate), into their unique selves.
What I have noticed about those who oppose my ideas is; they tend to be suffering themselves.
They are often suffering from the belief that: "You can not change the system" (whether that is an actual system, like school, or the way society works (i.e., parents must work to earn a living to afford the home etc).
They may have stress-related illnesses, which makes it hard for them to function. So to imagine pulling their child out of "the system" and having the additional responsibility fall on them, doesn't sound like something they can manage (no matter how much they love their kids!). And I am NOT saying all parents need to home-school their kids!
Alternatively, they may be so ingrained in the system, because of the type of work that they do, that to step out of it means they have to re-evaluate what they do day to day, and this can cause fear of "what do I do now?".
Finally, some people parent the way they do because their parents parented that way and their friends parent that way, and to step out of this makes you a target for criticism, and often, sadly, isolation.
This is why I want to say: "I see you! And I have a solution."
Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash
If you are willing to look at yourself and try to see life in a new way, you can move to a place of self-care, alignment, and trust.
This will make it possible for you to take a leap of faith, into the void, to improve your life. This will then translate to you being able to do this for your kids.
I have many tools and systems available for you to see yours and your child's unique psychology and life path, your needs, strengths, limits, strategies for success etc.
When you see each of your unique trajectories, it becomes a lot easier to trust that, even if you do not conform, you are still on track. Actually, not conforming guarantees that you will more than likely end up on a track that is more aligned with who you really are, especially if you have the maps and tools that I can provide, to guide your way.
Ever heard of mob mentality? It is very unhealthy and people do all kinds of terrible things that they would never do, if they were allowed to think and act for themselves.
I want you to know, I get it, I am here. I went through my own process...
When I was transitioning from training in the modalities that I use (for myself, my family, and my clients) to launching my business, I also changed my name. Believe it or not, this allowed me to hold a strong, loving, and safe space for my powerful son, and drop all the baggage that I had been carrying (the should's of society and my family of origin), so I could finally find my truth and emotional stability.
Through this process, I spent about a year, on and off, where I woke multiple times at night and had diarrhea. This was because: To move from status quo, towards your ideal life, you need to pass through a phase of "chaos", aka the unknown.
I was so scared that the decision to launch my own business would put me in a financial position to have to put my kids in any care I could fine, and get a job I hate, just to make ends meet!
Well, its a few years later now and I have transitioned from a state of fear to a state of trust.
Sometimes I make ends meet, sometimes I don't, but we are always ok!
There is no fear. I have my gifts. They go with me wherever I go. And this gives me the comfort and security to know: I am always going to be OK!
Photo by Ryan Rader on Unsplash
This aligned self has allowed me to be home to support my kids to live true to their unique needs and psychology, to advocate for them when others show concern that they are not conforming with the masses, and to enjoy developing my own gifts of service.
Sure, its inconvenient, at times, to have a child who doesn't always do as you say. But, I want that kind of kid when someone is trying to force them into sex, drugs, bullying, or other dangerous or hurtful behaviour.
I have to be willing to let my kids stand in their truth with me, if I want them to be able to stay true to their core values with others!
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
I truly do care about everyone - parent, child, teacher, free spirits, and conformists.
It may not seem that way, because I am concerned for the well-being of children, and I am frustrated that many adults seem to act in a way that puts kids at risk.
But, I know they do so because they don't know any other way. And I want to show you that there are many alternatives available.
You can step off the hamster wheel, if you want to, and find the door to your true fulfillment.
Photo by Roan Lavery on Unsplash
I do all of this, because I care about you! And I know, when you feel supported, you will be in a better place to support your child (and other kids) to grow up healthy, where it is ok to be themselves! And this is my ultimate goal!
Love and Bless, Strong Family (School, and Community)!
Family Dynamics and Life Purpose Specialist
MSc Psychology/Neuroscience (Stress & Health)