Imagine that you could have a do-over with the other person.

 

Look at the items higher in number (1 to 17) than the strategy you felt you used with the other person, in the list below.

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Select the strategy furthest down this list, that you feel you could apply next time.

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Be honest with yourself, see what strategy you can really see yourself being able to use in a situation like what you faced. Moving just one step on this scale can make a big difference in your life. If you can not move your strategy at all at this time, you are still in the moment of the situation, try starting over, and this time address YOUR NEEDS and the way YOU FEEL first.

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Consciousness is not raised overnight!

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Sometimes it even helps to stop this process and have a conversation with the other about how you handled things and ask them if they have any ideas on better ways you could try to handle situations like this in future.

 

The true goal is to mend your relationships, not just to withdraw and solve it all on your own. Mending your relationships will also improve your health, perhaps more than you know!

 

If you took a time out to chat with your loved one, now choose the strategy below, that is the closest match to what you and your loved one decided on together, as the best thing to try, next time you are in a similar conflict, then continue this process.

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1. Shame/Humiliation

2. Guilt/Blame

3. Hatred/Despair/Apathy

4. Grief/Regret

5. Fear/Anxiety/Withdrawal

6. Desire/Denying/Craving

7. Anger/Aggression/Revenge

8. Pride/Inflated/Demanding

9. Courage/Empowered/Permitting

10. Neutral/Trust/Release

11. Willing/Optimistic/Hopeful

12. Acceptance/Forgiveness/Transcendence

13. Reason/Understanding/Wisdom

14. Love/Benign/Reverence

15. Joy/Serenity/Complete

16. Peace/Bliss/Perfect

17. Enlightenment/Pure Being

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Make note of the strategy and number (1-17) that you selected that you would try to apply next time.

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