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Collectively we reflect the whole

Updated: Jun 3

The purpose of this article is to try to tie together several things, I was happy to hear in the podcast about PDA (pathologically demand avoidance) and school refusal that other people also challenge themselves to see if they can express complex things together. I was sad to hear (in the same episode), that her child developed so many symptoms from being forced to go school (like tics), and that the school only really cares about getting the attendance tick (interesting a tic for a tick), not about what is best for the child, the child can sit in the hall for all they care (as shown in this illustrated book):



It truly makes me wonder if my kids have minimal symptoms, not necessarily because they are a less severe case, but because I parent them differently.


I ordered the book, hoping to inspire my son, that people do indeed write books using illustrations to express how they feel when people make glib comments like "just make your kid go". We don't understand each other, and it's time to express ourselves more clearly, so that we can.


In the interview (above) the mom/author/illustrator said she felt very alone in their experience, and this caused her to look inwards and at her family line, wondering what she did wrong. This quote (from the adjacent video) shows how that is the point:



I see so many people who are upset with so many things, but instead of looking inward and doing what is right for them, they spread fear and hate, and latch onto (or fall for) obvious lies (intended to be a distraction from what people fear most, that they actually discover who they truly really are, and that they have the power to choose).


Some may said I do/did that too, perhaps it's part of the healing process. It was sad to hear (in the podcast above) that many people try to get educators to read something to understand their kids, and teachers/administrators just can't/won't. The whole baffling behaviors body of work was referred to me by a client/friend and I have now read and listened to more about it than they have because I can. I've also lent my copy of the book to an alternative principal, who is halfway through it and considering making a book club about it, plus I've tried to share it with our public school and a coach, but I'm not sure the latter two will take the time, which is sad. I can't imagine working with people with special needs and not wanting to be more informed, about what may be going on for them, so one can be more fair, kind, effective, supportive, and most importantly less damaging. Oh the collection of karma (work to be done in a future life, because one doesn't do it in their present life).


I also ordered the following:



From this episode on issues with sensory processing, because I finally feel like someone is describing it in a understandable way.


Esogetics has treatments for perception and the senses, which reflect issues that we can see in a Kirlian photo of the left and right index fingers (the child and adult consciousness, do we perceive the world as safe or not, and are we open or rigid in how we move through life, respectively).


Perception is important because what we perceive drives how we feel and what we think our options are. Not just the index finger (which shows the spine, thalamus, medulla, and more). There are other markers in the Kirlian photo for attachment to things, childhood conditioning, things our soul brought in, to draw the perfect family, to help us learn, birth trauma, and more.


For example, my son, who has sensory issues, was waiting in the birth canal engaged for longer than he should have been, because I had my epidural turned up so high, I didn't know it was time to push. This is literally our personality, when it comes to getting him to go to school in the morning. He was more hugs and to stay in bed longer, and I don't know when to push or to hold space for his needs. I will eventually do the birth rhythms on him, when his body indicates readiness for it, to see what we can lift with Esogetics. And I think that's the point, remove the layers we can, so we can focus on the layers meant for us to work through. Not just sit under a million heavy wet blankets like we are victims!


Going back to the Riley the Brave series, I may also get the first book in the series, but not the one about school. While I do think the one about school would be comical (as the parents use "it's pizza day" as a way to try to encourage going to school, which happens in our home, but it misses the opportunity for true understanding and connection), I do not like the culture of forcing kids to do things because many adults force themselves to do things. I am a polymath, I left many things, because they made me feel sick, this is how we find our way. I am not interested in having my child taught by someone who doesn't want to go to work either, I have enough faith, looking at my child's soul contract, human design, etc that they are navigating themselves to where they need to be, to learn and teach what they are meant to do. We live at different levels of consciousness.


My reason for hesitating on the original book (though I will probably get it, because it is brave to take on traits of some animals, and it is also brave to try to find new ways to navigate life) is the lack of acknowledgment for indigenous culture. White women think they are brilliant, because they suddenly started to use of animals to describe complex emotions or brain states. When indigenous cultures have been doing this for ever! Using animals to describe how we feel and behave is easily adopted by adults and kids, because emotions are labeled as good and bad but animals are not (I.e., we identify with feeling like a tiger but we are not allowed to feel angry).


The problem is the lack of depth and gratitude. Where non-indigenous folk say "that's my spirit animal" because they think something is cool, and they don't travel to the depths of connecting with the spirit of that animal, how it suffers, survives, teaches, etc. and showing gratitude and caring for it in return.


I am not indigenous, I am the opposite side of the spectrum, as my parents were immigrants. That said, my mother is white and my father is Vietnamese, a combo that looks indigenous to some. I experienced some racism and feel more connected to grounded wisdom than I do to the garbage taught in government run schools.


While at the same time, acknowledging my privilege, of having a white husband, with decent earning potential, my financial needs were always met, I have a nice home and life, raising our kids with vulnerable nervous systems, handed to us, by our parents, because their lives were hard, so our kids grew nervous system that are on alert, just incase they needed to face something similar.


And it's not just animals that teach, but also plants. This is the whole concept behind flower essences. To see how specific plants survive in difficult conditions, and leverage their essence for what we are going through. We just have to be open to take the time to see what makes sense for us, and connect with the energy. The pattern to learn from is available, and people would not know this, unless they respected their body's need to step away from what we force people to do, because the lie that "everyone forces themselves" instead of honour "ok, you don't want to do this, and I don't want to do that, so what do we want to do instead?". It's like the example she gave in the sensory podcast (above), when the kid doesn't want to eat the meal she didn't want to make. Why don't people realize making the meal you didn't want to make was the upstream problem, and the child not wanting to eat it is the downstream consequence, meant to teach you that "you were never supposed to make something you didn't want to make, because no one wants to eat it anyway!"


This brings me to my final layer. This is my child, who is a reflector by human design (0.4% of the population), here to feel what everyone else feels and report about it, through words, her health, and behavior:



We participated in a school field trip yesterday. She struggled with the wait to get in, the line to get access, the group safety instructions, followed by a reminder, and I stood there, 5-10 feet away from the group, allowing her to climb all over me, while she screamed, to let out her frustration, and inform "this is how the collective is feeling". It's hard to convince anyone that they should work with me when my child behaves this way, no one wants to condone this behavior, but I know where knowing and supporting your kids can get them. The interim looks messy, the outcome can be amazing, we are still a work in progress.


After doing what she wanted to do, my child took a break with a friend outside for a snack, smelt, and identified the smell of Vietnamese food. I could smell it too, but had to read the signs to identify what it was. She knew right away "I smell pho soup". And she made it up the ramp. Yes, I helped over the middle bit, but once she got hold of the top, she easily pulled her body up. Do you see the parallel, to how I am bridging this hard part of her life, because when she gets to the next phase, she's going to do great?


After school we stopped at the store. And she had to do something that was hard, but not too hard (see this episode on low demand parenting vs enabling). Hug the bunny, take a photo, but leave it behind, to reduce our family spending.


I hope this article gives you an idea of some of your options. It feels better to be kind, to see what our kids want us to see. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, to think others are judging us, but we are merely showing them an option, one they can choose or not.


May we all be happy with how we live our lives. May we be able to perceive the many options available to us.


And that's the thing about the thalamus, medulla, and PDA combo. People go to "what they perceive as a life threat" because the medulla is part of the stem brain, it controls all the things that should just work smoothly, but don't when we have anxiety (part of PDA), and the medulla also relays what is in our heart to our brain, and if we are to afraid to follow our heart, this creates conflict too.


I'm puzzled with the placement of PDA on the autism spectrum, because my child can be bothered by people who don't feel like they have landed here yet. She lives very close to her surface, and this may go back to her being a reflector, as some kids with autism are trying to get themselves more to their surface, but can't.


Mainstream identifies stimming or repetitive behavior as trying to self soothe (or check out), while Master Yan (founder of RestoreChi) says these behaviors are an attempt to get energy to flow somewhere that it is blocked. He can open these pathways, but if you then put the child back into the disempowering environment many autistic kids are placed in for behavior management, they regress. No one wants to be unable to impact their world, maybe my child scares these kids out of their shell for a reason, but it doesn't look pretty, I'll give you that! We are all a work in progress.


Ps. I got over myself and bought the entire Riley the Brave series (including the activity book), as my kids saw themselves in the sensational senses book. It's about helping them, not my own experience with lack of acknowledgement and racism. We are one, even if people don't acknowledge that we all get our information/inspiration from source/spirit (in-spire), the zero point field.


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