Enough with the blanket parenting advice - Our parents don't ruin our lives and Our kids don'
My Astrology teacher sent me this article yesterday "Why Children Aren't Behaving, And What You Can Do About It", because it made him realize that I am not the only one talking about how kids are different nowadays and that we need to adjust our parenting to match.
I am grateful that he thought of me, and its an ok article. But every time I read one of these articles providing blanket advice for all parents and all kids, it kind of makes me want to walk away.
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People are different. Parents are different - they have different levels of energy and capacity to serve. Kids are different - they have different needs and limitations! Not all kids need all the things these parenting articles suggest kids need, and some of them do quite fine with the things these parenting articles suggest are terrible for kids.
The important thing in parenting is to understand who YOU are as a person, what your needs are, and how to get those needs met, while also being aware that your child is a completely different person with their own needs, limitations, and life purpose.
You don't need to mold your child into the person society suggests all kids should be. If you try to do this, you will exhaust your energy, drain the fun out of parenting, give away your power, and mislead your child.
That said, we all get the parents we need, and as I explained to my Astrology teacher, “the ladder only goes so far”. By this I mean, we are all trying to grow people from one stage to the next. You may be talented at getting people from level 1 to level 3, and another person may be talented at getting someone from level 3 to level 5. Neither is better or worse, its all about fit.
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Its also, hopefully, a forward motion from generation to generation, in the rise of consciousness (i.e., awareness of what is important, why we are here, and spiritual growth).
If you read the "This is why I do what I do..." story on my homepage, you will see, my grandparents were able to get my parents so far, then my parents were able to get me so far, and now I can get my kids to the next level. I still feel my grandparents with me, thankful that I am starting to right their wrongs. Its a family affair! And hopefully, we can all look back and say Thank You!
Thank you to my parents for the upbringing I had, so I can do better for my kids and my clients. I only wish my parents could receive this heartfelt Thanks, because I know on a soul level, they sacrificed their consciousness so I could experience an unconscious childhood, so that I would have the skills to bring people and parents from being unconscious to becoming more conscious about the consequences of their actions and the purpose of their life, and why they may have suffered. And I am grateful.
See my article "How and why I support conscious parenting", for more details.
I liken blanket parenting advice to books and write-ups on Sun Astrology. We all know our Sun Sign (i.e., The zodiac sign that is associated with the date and month of our birth), but there is so much more to us (and Astrology) than this!
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Yes, I am a Scorpio, and it shows. But, I am also an Aries moon, and a gibbous moon that conjuncts my Ascendent, an Aries rising, I have Pluto opposing my moon and conjuncting my Venus and Libra North Node, my Moon is in the 12th house, Saturn is in my house of fun, Mars is in my lower haven (when I sleep at night), and the majority of my planets on the setting side. Thankfully I have Jupiter in my house of communication and learning, opposing my Midhaven, and Uranus and Mercury conjuncting my Sun, so I can be a happy little bookworm, always expanding my understanding of why we are here, and clearly express my ideas, to try to show others that it is possible to break out of their mundane routine and claim back their life.
So, yeah, I am a Scorpio, but there is so much more to my story and my pain than that.
I don't expect you to be able to understand the paragraph above, if you are not an astrologer, I just wanted you to know that there is so much more to one's astrology than their Sun Sign. And this is why Sun Sign astrology is often rejected by many as just flaky statements that would apply to anyone. The same goes for blanket parenting advice.
What I described in the last paragraph also only accounts for my time of birth.
But, did you know Astrology can tell you much more than that, and it is directly applicable to parenting?
For example, a really interesting technique that I read about recently is "Saturn and the Four Birth Moments". This article explains that we all bloom at different times, and using this article I can see that:
I knew my life purpose at age 5yrs, and I was already refining it by age 35yrs. But I didn't know how to take care of my needs until age 21yrs and I didn't know my place in the working world until age 26yrs.
Given that these things can mature anywhere between the ages of 0 to 30yrs, I would say, for life purpose, I am definitely on a mission and a wise old soul, but for earthly human stuff, I am a late bloomer, and lucky to be alive!
If I contrast this with my kids:
My son, who people worry about because he can get angry at times and he dropped out of kindergarten for 4 months, will probably know how to care for himself by age 11yrs, know his place in the working world by age 12yrs, and know his life purpose by age 18yrs.
To me, this looks like a very responsible guy, he must have good parents, haha, and I don't need to worry about him.
That doesn't mean that there are not any sore points in his chart. We all have areas in which we need to grow, even me!
My daughter, on the other hand, may have a more expected (or early and on the right track) trajectory, of knowing her life purpose by age 13yrs, being able to care for herself by age 15yrs, and knowing her place in the working world by age 18yrs.
The interesting thing is: This happens regardless of our parenting skill! (so, we may as well parent with acceptance and love, see "How to parent with true Acceptance Love and Power", and feel like a good person in the process)
I was going to know my life purpose early no matter what, you couldn’t force me to stay an unaware child. And I was going to be a late bloomer in knowing how to care for myself and others and knowing my place in the working world, you couldn't force me to grow up any sooner in those departments!
Likewise, with or without our parenting support or interference, our kids are going to do great and be right on time in their development in these areas. This is not about who is going to pat who on the back. My parents didn’t do poorly, and I am not doing better.
Its just that I have access to this knowledge, so I can relax and know my kids will be fine. We will all be fine. When we know and can accept ourselves and stop blaming our parents and our kids for the state of our lives. It’s a journey, we are all a gift to each other, to learn and grow.
And, for parents whose children have less favorable markers in their Astrology or Soul Contract, what I suggest is to just do the best you can. Be mindful that your kids may not always see your best effort, they may still get wounded, feel abandoned, not feel loved etc., even though you are there, working hard, to love them unconditionally.
The best thing you can do for your child is to know them, and to know yourself, and to work on yourself, and do the best you can. And then, in the end, its about each of us making the most of what we’ve got.
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We all planned our lives, we all agreed to play this role in each other's life - perpetrator or supporter. Its all for our highest and best good.
So, lets get on with it, lets be aware, lets stop watching each other and listening to blanket advice and focus on our own lives and our own growth. Everything else is just a distraction.
You can read more about my services for parents and kids here.
Reach out if you have any questions. Feel free to leave your comments below.
Love and Bless, and Happy Parenting!