How much are you willing to trust your child?
What I share here may be radical. It may stretch what you are willing to believe, or it may shut you down, and if it does, I am sorry, but this is our truth...
My son, by Human Design, has an undefined identity center. The identity center is the diamond at the center of the bodygraph below, and it is considered to be undefined when it is not coloured in:
The hallmark of having an undefined identity center is someone who absolutely needs to be in an environment that feels good for them, in order for them to grow into their best selves.
People with open identities are like plants. Put them in the right environment and they flourish, put them in the wrong environment and they die. I tell my clients this all the time.
The open identity allows them to make decisions with their heart. If their heart opens in an environment, that is where they are meant to be, if it closes, that is not where they are meant to be.
The main reason for this is: the identity being open means they become who they are around, they absorb the identity of others, so they need to be around people that they respect (and that respect them) or they will not like themselves, and they will not be able to grow in a healthy manner.
I used to think an undefined identity center was an anomaly. But, apparently, 50% of people have an undefined identity center. And yet, we force kids so much to be in places they do not feel comfortable, and then we end up with so many kids with stress-related mental and physical illness (anxiety, depression, autism spectrum, ADHD, learning disabilities, skin allergies, and more).
Add to this, his defined heart centre (the triangle, coloured in dark red) means that he will only be able to do things if his heart or will is in it. Otherwise he shuts down and can not get the energy to do it. True, from our experience!
The 2 in the top left green triangle (under the L) means that he may be willing to try something, but if he spits it out, it is not good for him and we should not force him to eat it. We have followed and respected this his whole life. Respecting this about him allows his brain and cognitive ability to grow to its potential.
He is a very logical learner, shown by all the L (left) pointing arrows, but the one R (right) pointing arrow implies that his ideal environment to learn is where he can be still, comfortable, and just observe.
Finally, because the number in the top black box ends in .6, he is a role model, here to show us how life is really meant to be lived, simply by his own example, and in the first 30yrs of his life he is the most vulnerable and the most tossed around by life, so that he can really experience turmoil, and have some experience to speak from when he is older.
The .2 in the top right red box means that he is a natural, we honestly just need to let him find his own unique gift and let him run with it.
If we shift to look at his Astrology:
You can see that his moon sits at the bottom of his chart, in the sign of Pisces.
This means (among many things) that how he turns out is very dependent on how well of a job I do as his mother, more so than any other sign that the moon could be in. A person's Moon is their mother (or their main caregiver), and his moon being in the 3rd slice/house (see the 3 above the section it is in) means learning happens with mom. Its also surrounded by Neptune (which is a very spiritual number) and chiron (which is about healing childhood pains. There is something going on here, I think.
Also, if you look at the left horizontal line, you can see it points to the sign of Scorpio. The left horizontal line is called the "ascendant", this is the person's mask, how others see him.
Having an ascendant in Scorpio is apparently incredibly challenging.
Most people know Scorpio as being a very passionate and emotionally volatile sign. So, quite misunderstood. And if this is how everyone sees him, yikes, he does need a good advocate and translator so he can be understood better, for his true intentions.
On top of that his North Node is also in his 1st slice/house, so at his core, all he is doing is trying to work on who he is here to become.
The Dominant vibration 5 in his birth and common name show that he is very sensitive to his environment, he is a pioneer, and he is here to speak his truth. He will yell it if he has to!
The Physical Talent 21-3 in his common name is part of the reason why we optimized his name as the 21-3 is someone who is doing life the hard way, and because he has it in talent, for him it is to build his stamina and strength. He's a fighter!
The Spiritual Karma 9-9 in his birth name means he is here to be dis-empowered, so that he can learn to step into his power in a respectful way. He is incredibly powerful. They call the 9, the dragon. Hence my joke that I am literally raising a dragon. I actually had to change my name so that I could carry enough power to hold space for him. If parents do not have enough power to hold space for their kids, their kids feel unsafe because they are afraid of what they will do with their power if they are not properly held.
Of course there is a lot more to these charts that I can not share here. But, the most beautiful thing that I always see when I look at my son's Soul Contract is his goals 19-1s, which means he is here to create a space for others to laugh and heal. His birth and common name Soul Destinies are to build his own structure of truth and become emotionally resilient enough to share it, to make a huge impact on society.
I feel he is already speaking this through me!
Finally, his Gene Keys:
The image is a bit small, let me zoom in for you...
At the top you can see his Life Purpose is to be a Teacher and show us how we can move from the complexity of life to its simplicity (the .6 is again the role model):
At the bottom you can see that he is learning to move from being half-hearted in things to being fully committed (the .2 is again the natural):
And in the middle you can see the key to his positive development for this stage in his life is to have a good mentor who can guide him (i.e., someone he feels comfortable with, me!) (and the .5 here is the leader):
So, you tell me, the signs are clear. But do you have the courage to allow a child like this to choose his own destiny when it comes to his schooling?
We have a friend who's son was so much like our son, but he was forced to conform, and he now has multiple diagnoses and is heavily medicated. I don't want that for my son.
Sure, life is harder when you don't take the traditional route, when you don't accept the public school system. It either cost your time, your money, or your stress to do it differently.
But, could you watch your son, with all these signs in your pocket and force him down a path that looks like it could lead somewhere devastating? Or would you trust your child?
Well, Tuesday we will talk to the school. And we will see, can they stand up and be the environment and mentor that he needs, can he feel safe enough to learn there, or not.
And if not, can his mother stand behind this dragon and say: "Back off. This is not his path right now!"
What would you do?
In the interest of full disclosure, here is a plant my son brought home for us:
See how the bud is still protected by the seed, even though it is out of the ground?
Well the 11-2 in Soul Contract, above, remember he has this as his birth Soul Destiny, is someone who may lean on others for too long, because it takes more effort to stand on their own two feet.
That said, he is only 6yrs old and a lot of the spiritual text claim that up until age 7yrs kids are "in the cave" and need protection. Gordon Neufeld, would probably also agree that our job as parents is to create this safe space for kids to know they can always come to and be in, so that they can grow in a secure way! In Europe, many schools do not officially start until the child is 7yrs old!
The 11-2 is also about loss, so you can grow and gain perspective. Well, we've lost a lot of friends and family who simply do not agree and approve of us supporting our son to make his own decisions. And that is sad, but the alternative, to live in a way that pleases others but disregards our son is not acceptable for me! Now let's put this in context with our family. Here is one of each of mine, my husband, and my son's names:
Note that we all have 14-5 as our Spiritual Karma.
The 14 is Scorpio, the 5 is Aries. Remember that the 5 must speak their truth. The 14 is also about karmic relationships and learning about oneself through others. Given that we all have this in a Karmic line means that this is a clash for us. This means the 3 of us may be yelling at each other, trying to get our truth out, and we need to make a conscious effort to be opened to learning about ourselves through this process. Add to this, look at the astrology for my husband and my wedding date, time, and location:
Every single planet sits above the horizontal line. The only symbol below is the south node, which is what we are trying to move away from. Planets above the horizontal line are in the public eye. Below the horizontal line are more private. The south node in cancer is timid and comfortable. The vertical line at the top is how the world sees us. And there we have our north node, our destiny, and Pluto, the cold, uncomfortable truth. So, what is our truth? That we need to have faith in our kids, that society is misdiagnosing and forcing kids to do things that are damaging to their health? Time will tell. No one can control Pluto. The truth will come out! Fascinating how accurate and useful all of this is, eh?
The next and most crucial step is: Do we have the courage to take this bold step and put the advice into action? Am I only seeing what I want to see?
Well, like I said, going the traditional route is easier, you just get along, you get free childcare so you can work. But, my son might be miserable, they'd probably have to call the police on him again for running away from school, and I don't think this serves him well, in the end. What would you do if you knew all this about your family? Could you live consciously? Could you defy expectations? Could you trust your child to be the powerful soul that they are to chart their own path in life?
If you are interested to take a look, feel free to book a free, no obligation, 15min consultation here.
Love and Bless, Strong Family.
Family Dynamics and Life Purpose Specialist
MSc Psychology (Stress & Health)