Forgiving your parents is not enough - you also need to support the organ representation of them, that you carry on the inside

I had phlegm discharge for over 5 months, during that time, I was also trying to clear possible uterine cancer (without involving mainstream confirmation or pressure, for tests and treatment), and I fell ill (with body aches) more times that I can count, plus a long bout of insomnia, which resulted in me just getting my kid to school, lying down in the back of my car trying to sleep while she was there, and then driving her back home. I kicked my kids out of their room (where I sleep) and only just let my youngest back in for the past 2 nights.

My RestoreChi collaborator sent me this:

I was blessed to finally meet up with the only other person I know in the area who also practices Esogetic Medicine. She has a digital kirlian camera, which can see more details than my analog can produce (specifically, my camera shows heavy feet that I can't clear, her camera shows the reason I am not sleeping is conflict, and when I play the conflict brainwave program, I realize I still have to forgive myself for not always being able to protect my sister, who was less than 2yrs younger than me, it was insane for anyone to expect I would be able to do that!) And now I am starting to regain my ability to fall back asleep when I wake in the night.

I was going to raise money to put a digital kirlian at Mother Earth's Learning Village, when my exhaustion hit me and said "why on earth are you working so hard to buy something, only to give it away, leaving it at risk of being damaged, somewhere that you don't even have the energy to get to on a regular basis, while you hold onto something that is falling apart?!?!". I have now made the necessary adjustments, not to push so hard, to keep what I want, and know it is good enough, for me to give the school something less expensive, that I will regret less, if it ends up breaking in their care: https://www.instagram.com/p/DJaoDWJucQD/?img_index=1

I wanted to share this article because I want people to know how much more enjoyable life is when you kick your chronic health symptoms to the curb (almost everything can be healed, and we gain a valuable lesson, as we continue to engage in the process, I know it's hard, whenever my colleagues says “you need more dampness release”, I groan, because it seems never ending!):

In this case, it's about parent and child (a continuation from my article about the grandparents, which you can find here: Parenting and grandparenting relationships amongst the major TCM organ pairs)

I've been watching the clock when I wake at night:

...and find it interesting when I wake in the spleen, liver, or lung windows.

My (phlegm) issue appears to be lung, but sometimes, it's the parent (spleen) that needs support (especially when my symptoms are more allergy-like: sneezing, runny nose), and dampness coming out of my body can feel like itchy skin. I used to shower every second day to save time, but found I was developing issues on my skin, and since I've started showering daily, these issues have resolved (my body is detoxing more than my skin can shed). This bothered me mostly because: people already worry that the spot on my face is skin cancer, though I had it checked many years ago and was told it was just garbage and would never develop into cancer, I didn't opt to have it removed because shaving it off didn't seem kind. I did burn it off once with apple cider vinegar and iodine, but this dyed the surrounding skin, and was very noticeable as it healed, then the spot literally grew back faster than it took to the burn to fully heal.

This spot is on the gall bladder meridian (organ pair for the liver). And I took an acetaminophen overdose when I was 15yrs old (because my parents blamed me for getting rid of an abusive step father, because he took half of my mother's money, and then blamed me again for not giving them the evidence they needed to keep her money, I didn't know what they needed, I was a kid who had endured so much terror, trying to protect my sister, and I only recently realized, that this is a crazy job to assign to a 2yr old, no wonder I didn't always succeed or make the right choice to protect her, I was a child, we had absent parents, because everything we needed them to do for us, they couldn't look at, because it triggered their own unresolved childhood trauma), told no one but my friend's mom who was a nurse, and she said "I would be fine", but I saw on a TV yesterday that acetaminophen overdose is one of the leading causes for liver failure.

I share this because, even if we "forgive" our parents, and know they "did their best", the difficult parent child relationships live within us:

When I first started learning TCM, they said "the spleen is your mother after birth" and right away this lead me to start looking for the "father" (hilarious when you consider my primary attachment was to my father, you can't attached to someone who has a benign brain tumor, that prevents them from being able to recognize faces, because this causes an immense amount of anxiety and fear, resulting in self-centeredness to survive, and this is my mother, whom my father gave us to, because his mom took her life when he was 4yrs old, saddling him with the responsibility of caring for his 10 siblings and step-mother, whom he saved one by one, when south Vietnam lost the war, which triggered my mother to become so stressed that he slapped her, so she left him, and I likely witnessed it, I was certainly present when they used their friend as a mediator for what happened, and I was only 2yrs old).

So, I have decided, the kidneys are our inheritance from our parents. If they were healthy (enough energy to make us, grow us, having dealt with their own trauma) then we get kidneys that can support our life. If they were not healthy (same bracket as above) then our kidneys are weak (which could make us prone to stress related illness, and more). The liver is the dad, if it is good, it helps us grow (wood), to experience joy (heart) and discern (small intestine) what is right for us. The spleen remains our mother. If she is supportive, then we can let go (lung/large intestine), if she struggles, then everything struggles.

It is so important to reconcile the family within us:

...even if we can't fully reconcile the family outside of us.

I also want to share this collection of tracks (slides are from the Manual for the RestoreChi Monthly Tracks):

...because they were either involved in my healing and clearing, or they look like they would have addressed my symptoms, but I don't have overall body chill, nor do I have typical reasons for my allergy symptoms or acid reflux. I don't have excess fire. I have coldness (due to lack of protection from the elements), that has let dampness in and has caused yin emptiness (a fire that comes from burn out, not excess).

The cold is isolated to my uterus (where I have been surgically tampered with more than anywhere else, to try to control when I have kids, as opposed to letting my body do what it does naturally, when it feels ready, at the fear and request of the men in my life).

It is only when I address the bladder (organ pair for the kidney, my life force, and the seat of my own personal fear) with bladder chill (release) and low back (lack of support) clear the bladder meridian, that I actually feel myself melt into release.

One of the reasons I began to study TCM (almost 7yrs ago), is my talented fertility acupuncturist told me right way (over 10yrs ago) that I have a “weak constitution". I've been searching ever since to try to understand what this means. I wrote this article on the topic: Fight-flight-freeze, Pita-Vata-Kapha, no-motors-projector, unique psychology, the long game, but I now realize, it is the weakness in my parents (due to their unexamined, unresolved trauma) that made them make me with kidneys that are weak from birth. Thankfully RestoreChi can help.

I hope this article provides something that you can use.