This is my experience, yours might be different, and equally valid. For me, a neurodivergent child rejects conformity, whether this is because they have other things that they need to resolve first or what is being taught does not align with their truth. The ability to access accommodation, depends on whether the above prevents the school from shoving information into your child, and having them confirm that they got it.
People don't think about the different ways in which we learn, the conditions we need, what we take in, and our ability to access what we know, all of this information is available through human design.
Not only that, I think the school staff can tell who will be a threat once accommodated and who won't. For example, my child is not considered for accommodation, because it's easier to blame all his issues on his attendance. They actually encourage him to lie to his peers about his absence, because anything is better than him saying "I only go to school when I feel like it, and I am allowed to do so". Of course, he does have mental, emotional, and physical reasons for not going, and we are working on it, and he is neurodivergent in his thinking. But, if you accommodate him, he may be a threat, as what he is primarily engaged in when he is at school is: understanding where his peers struggle and supporting them.
This is beside the point. At the same time, as I am dealing with the school for my son, my middle child is suffering conflict with her friends, because she too is lying about what she is capable of, and her friends know it. I shared with her and her teacher that "lying to her friends is not loving herself, nor is it letting her friends know her". One of her soul contract lessons is tendency to create a mask, and try to control how others see her, and this is literally why her friends often don't want to play with her, they find her controlling. So, school, like annoying extended family, who have not done the work on themselves that we have, offer an opportunity for our kids to work on their life lessons. It's not easy to master a life lesson, it takes time, to trust that one can open up and be honest. Especially with the conception history of my child.
She was conceived via IVF because they said my tubes were blocked and my eggs did not mature with the synthetic hormone they injected into me prior to harvesting. They told me not to transfer her, because I might be disappointed. I am not disappointed, but I did have a very difficult pregnancy, which had a negative impact on her too, because, I believe, my inability to conceive without IVF at the time, was because my body was not ready to produce a baby.
I have been working with her on her existential fear, visible in her kirlian photo as a tiny dot for her left little toe:
As you can see, the dot is getting bigger and soon it will begin to open. But this is not without memories of things that scared her, and opportunities to work through it in her life.
Another thing I'm getting to witness, is photographic proof that I do take on my clients' issues, to get a sense of what they are going through, so I can learn how to resolve it (see below, working with my daughter, my left little toe is starting to close too):
But not just that, I can also see the impact of dealing with the school on my health and processing childhood trauma:
For so long, I've thought that anyone could learn to do what I do, but not everyone is like me, interested in spending all my time working with this information, about how we break children and how we fix adults. This is just one of my many working spaces:
And it's not to brag, but to inspire. When we find what is right for us, we are no longer learning disabled.
They accomodated me in school because I would never have been able to conform if they didn't. Fake geographic lines, and stories of war by the winners, never made sense to me. Nor does treating the universe as if it were dead. But, conforming only brought me illness: IBS, cankers, anxiety, major depression, bipolar symptoms, etc.
I eventually learned to leave mainstream and turn away from things that don't resonate with me. I'd rather watch my youngest eat chocolate cake (than hurt my health by worrying about things I have no control over, other than to work on my life lessons):
I find it fascinating that conceiving my child via IVF may have resulted in genetic weaknesses, visible in her eyes:
And I can even see what my father handed to me, and how it differs from what my mother handed to me, in terms of genetic susceptibility (and what's more relevant now):
This doesn't mean we freak out and try to cut out body parts that may react. Instead, we see our genetic tendencies, and we love ourselves enough to protect ourselves from factors that may cause us harm.
When I can see how much interacting with the unkindness at the school, not only triggers my lack of sleep, but also my old childhood wounds, of assuming that if people are annoyed with me they are right and I am wrong. Just because I want to help, just because I see through what they are doing, just because I am not afraid to share what I see, doesn't mean I should hate myself if they don't like it.
I have the right to say "you're not being fair to families and kids" if that is what I see. And I have the right to see them for who they are, and allow my kids to use this opportunity to work on their life lessons (which I can see in their soul contract). Much like I can see the damage done to them, to prevent the unfolding of their unique life program, in their kirlian photo.
My sister (with the same disability as me) was not awarded accommodation in school, and she went on to conform, and to force others to do conform too. That's their goal.
So, if you are neurodivergent, and so are your kids, great! You probably worked on your childhood trauma, to break the generational transmission. But society hasn't kept up with you, and that's ok.
If school staff following their policy (according to nonviolent communication, policy is one of the most severe forms of violence) makes you feel like sh*t, that's what they do. The lesson is: how do you navigate it, keeping in mind:
I hope this makes sense, and is helpful.
To sum it up: don't get mad, look deeper at your lessons, why did you attract this experience, and how can you use this opportunity to work through it, so you can get stronger in self acceptance and self love?
While regulating emotions is still not my thing, being aware of how things make us feel, walking away from things that set off illness in our body, and processing our emotions (past and present), to love ourselves even more and to be grateful for the opportunity to grow. Good enough.
💕🪴