Yesterday started with middle sneaking out to public school while little stayed asleep, so little didn't pester middle to play. Causing middle to move from calm to worried to frustrated and angry. Here are some tools we learned from therapy to help us tease apart the mess of emotions, so we can find a solution (I keep telling my girls, who often say "she always gets her way", that the goal is to find a solution where everyone gets their way):
Then, with middle gone, we worked on our eldest to get going, without shocking him, so his body doesn't become symptomatic - dizzy, headaches, sore throat, coughing up phlegm, exhausted, crying, etc.
With as many of us fed who are willing to eat, and lunches packed, we dropped eldest off at public school, and youngest and I went to run an errand, including a trip to Walmart:
These cups all hold some truth to them, but each are also a bit offensive. For me I resonate most with the tired one, but I know some people are offended at normalizing how many expectations are put on mothers. I can resonate with the "hot mama" too, in that there comes a time when we get our bodies back, but that's for us to enjoy, not for others to gawk at, and it doesn't have to mean we become fit and attractive, but that we can do more of what we want, and our inner light can be nurtured to grow. However, I've always nurtured my inner light through motherhood, but I did get to buy some things that are comfortable, and colourful, and that I don't have to think about nursing a child in anymore, recently, which was nice. And finally, while "mama don't play" can be seen as true - I've never played, I've always invested my time in what matters most, at least, when I am stable and grounded in my body, in a good state of mental health. I think they mean in terms of "don't mess with me" but I also feel sad when I see this, because I don't have the energy to play with my kids (I'm not interested in play). I am there for them, I take them to where they get what they need, and I think about how to help them all the time, but play, no, I don't often play. I read or work while they play. Expanding what I know and can do is my form of play.
After this venture into mainstream mania, it's off to our alternative school, where I shared with my youngest "once you're out playing with your friends, I'm going to do some work". To which she responded, by making our time at school feel more like we were sharing space, to run her own therapy program. Once I recognized this, and said "I'm not going to leave until you are comfortable". And a little while longer, supporting her through the first activity, until she found a friend and was off on an excursion, then I was able to sit and work:
The founder/principal also came by and shared some of her thoughts with me:
I'm impressed with this line of thinking because public school literally teaches structured persuasive writing, and my son and I hate it. You don't have to persuade anyone, unless you want to be a politician or selling something you don't believe in for the money. If you want to share something, you work at that thing, you work at explaining what that thing is, and how it's applied, and for the right people, it will sell itself, or it won't. I hate the box they want us all to get in. What the principal/founder drew instead, is much like my middle's lesson from therapy, to disentangle the emotions to find a solution. Where, instead of emotions, the principal/founder disentangles projections (of our unhealed wounds) and persuasions (of what our ego wants) to distill it down to fact. When we share only fact, then people can decide whether to compromise, co-create, communicate, or make a commitment (or not), which doesn't work so well, when everyone is coming from reaction or seeking validation instead. Because when we come from reaction or seeking validation and then try to right our own ship to find our own way people feel offended (they disagree) and then they start to scheme and lie.
OMG, I want off that ride already, don't you? This is why what mainstream teaches us is garbage and why unlearning is so important. I send my kids to pubic school only when they are ready to critically look at what is being done to them, and stand in who they truly are. Even though it is painful at times to have the school think they are right and entitled, and to be constantly shocked that we choose the path of kindness to self and others, again and again.
It's interesting that, as I am studying Esogetic neurocardiology (which is about how information hits your heart first, then your heart informs your gut/feelings and your head/thinking at the same time), the principal/founder would draw her own concept of how things get convoluded in your head, so you don't listen to your gut/instinct, and you can't hear what's in your heart (image above).
I hope this is helpful for some to see another way, and there are more, I'm sure. I hope you find the one that works for you!
I appreciate even the trip to Walmart, exposure to mainstream, and the mini panic at our alternative school, that I might be paying for exposure to a new environment, but not for any time for me to get some of my studying done, unless I can shift to be open to grow, as part of my own "school" day.
And then we had our home life afterwards, a family dinner and off to a study group for me, where my teacher offended me, but that's nothing new. My own stuff to work through, in the short periods of time, where I have to sit with others, and have them be less than kind to me, as I regain my knowledge, power, and skills. Small price to pay, part of my own healing journey.