Not all kids are apples and carrots, some of them are oranges and bananas, and others are artichokes
Some kids seem pretty straight forward. You just show them the way, and they follow. Much like apples and carrots. No cooking needed. Honestly just wash, and bite in, and you can be fed.
Other kids are a bit more complicated, like oranges and bananas. You have to peel them first. If you try to bite into them before peeling them, YUCK! They are bitter!
And some people are even allergic to the orange peel, but the fruit inside they can eat, so they need someone else to peel their orange for them, so they can get inside.
In the school system, the banana and orange may get labeled as "learning disabled" and be given an IEP (you must PEEL these fruit/veggies, aka kids, before you try to eat/teach them, otherwise, you can't get in). THEY are seen as defective because they have a skin to get through before they can be taught/devoured.
But, is an orange or banana defective? Are they disordered? Or was the mistake to assume that all kids are like apples and carrots?
What if you put them in another environment? Wouldn't the thick skin be protective there? And wouldn't the apple be more vulnerable?
Finally, some kids are not apples, carrots, bananas, or oranges. Some of them are artichokes!
Artichokes can not just be "peeled", not without great effort and destroying them. And even if you did force one to peel, it really would not taste very good and would probably make you sick if you forced yourself to eat them anyway.
So, an artichoke in the traditional school system: Boy oh boy, would they ever get a diagnosis for being difficult. Boy oh boy would they feel bad about themselves compared to others! Even though they are a food from a plant, just like the apple, carrot, banana, and orange, the traditional "accommodations" for the "learning/eating disabled" banana and orange won't work on them.
Do we make the artichoke feel bad?
Or do we learn a bit about the artichoke?
Oh, the artichoke is not an apple, oh it needs to be boiled, then you peel a way the leaves and you can bite off the ends of each leaf. And even when you get to the heart at the middle, you have to scoop out the tough hair in order to be able to enjoy the tender heart.
Yes, some people are like artichokes. More complicated, more work, but what a gem in the middle!
When people go through the grocery store and they want to eat right away, yeah, they choose one of the easier fruits or veggies - apples and carrots. But, if you want a fancy meal, then you invest the time and you get an artichoke!
The spiritual world often talks about our ego onions and how we have to peel away at it layer by layer to get to our flame/light/fire/truth at the center. Maybe this is true. Or maybe we are all artichokes on some level, with a few trip wires along the way, and people tried to bite into us anyways, mistaking us for an apple.
So, the moral of the story is: If you wouldn't eat without understanding a bit about what you are eating and how it needs to be cooked (by looking each fruit or veggie up), why would you approach parenting and teaching a child, without looking them up?
The maps to each person's unique psychology are available!
It is very easy to see someone who will:
appear to have a learning disability, because the mainstream truth is not theirs, or because they learn in a different way than what we assume
have night terrors if they don't have time before bed to debrief or empty out the day
hallucinate if you force them to adhere to your eating or sleeping schedule
self-harm if you do not explain to them how their emotional system works and what they can do to get trapped negative emotions out of their body
appear to have ADHD, and much more
These people are NOT disordered, they are different and unique, just like everyone else!
The mistake was assuming we are all the same and not even bothering to look up "who am I raising/teaching?" or assuming that because you gave birth to them that they would be "just like you". Yes, some things may be common, but others may be completely different!
So, before you label your child, consider looking up your child's design and speaking to someone, like myself, who sees everyone for their perfect uniqueness, with strategies to guide you, as opposed to seeing your child as normal verses disordered.
Just because someone is more complicated, doesn't mean you pop them in a blender and drink them in a smoothie with everyone else.
Instead understand and appreciate their difference. Smoothies are great, but I wouldn't want one every day for every meal!
I prefer some variety on my plate, even if every item requires a different cooking method. Don't you?
This is one reason why we all long for the thanksgiving meal - so many different items, each cooked uniquely, over time, with love. It takes the day to make, and we enjoy the fruits of our labour!
That is why people went through the process of categorizing food from plants!
And why we have a zillion cookbooks! There is no ONE cookbook for all foods!
Why should we treat people as if there is just one way to raise/teach them?
Here is YOUR call to action: Go here to book a FREE 15min consultation. Take a peak at your child's unique psychology. And I hope you will NEVER be tempted to call them disordered again!
There is no disorder! There is just us being ourselves, or us not being allowed to be ourselves!
Love and Bless, Strong Family!
Family Dynamics and Life Purpose Specialist
MSc Psychology/Neuroscience (Stress & Health)