What a title, and I would have made it longer if I could. Often I write an article for where I am at, and then life teaches me that there is more to the story. This article is a continuation to my previous article: https://www.yourlifeplan.ca/post/what-if-little-kids-can-t-regulate-their-emotions-because-emotions-are-not-supposed-to-be-regulated
My youngest gets stuck in trauma loops quite often. I have returned to work with Reach Out Centre for Kids (ROCK), this time for all 3 of my kids, because of a suggestion that my husband and I and all 3 of our kids might be on the spectrum (and the reaction to this from our school and community programs).
For a long time I've thought the spectrum is too wide: there are people who clearly belong and others who feel like a stretch. While it may feel comfortable to say we belong and we are ok, it also feels like appropriation, when people share that Asperger's, for example, is a form of brain damage (which can be accommodated). It wasn't until this morning that I realized; my mother has a benign tumor in an area of her brain that prevents her from being able to recognize faces. This is probably enough to make it hard for her to feel how the other is impacted when she delivers information (a break in a healthy EQ-IQ dynamic), which is Asperger's like. And then, what me and my kids experience may have been transmitted via parenting with unresolved trauma (which can be healed, but it takes trial and error and time to do so, so sitting in the appropriated box for a while, for a bit of respite, tends to happen, until we are ready to work at it again, and hopefully, we will know the difference between those who may need to stay and those who may be able to work their way out of the label/state)?
This is a question, because life will answer it for me (and my truth may be different from someone else's). Part of me still believes that the visible parts of autism are an inability of the soul to fully put on the meat suit and embody, and the less visible parts of autism are society failing to accept the person as they want to be.
I've witnessed a young child with obvious autism in a classroom but non-obvious autism outside of class. Can this child be stretched to tolerate longer periods of time caged in a safe classroom as opposed to being free to play? Yes. And she can also adapt, like most of us do, through learned helplessness. Is this right? I don't know, but her parents have already handed her to a family member for care while they work, and that is not sustainable forever, so getting her to transition to other care is probably the next step. But I digress...
ROCK provides 3D theories to complement the multidimensional work that I do. An example is to observe what triggers my child to go into a trauma loop (is it trauma, anxiety, or both?), and to recognize that my child returns to me for comfort, but also for help to organize her thoughts. This is how my kids are capable of what my husband is not, as allude to below, their brain may not be developmentally ready, but if they leverage mine, then they can graft what they don't have yet, to be capable, before development says they should.
I've been exposed to many people who plant seeds in parents, about how parent differently, and this is how we show that change is possible. Not by fighting an outer war, but by finding a way to create respectful peace in our own home, with theories that still need testing, to know if they can become reality or not. This exposure has made me and my kids outsiders to how most people do things, but it feels more aligned to how I want to parent and how they want to be parented.
My kids get stuck in emotions that are unresolved because they have needs that are not being acknowledged. My youngest has a need to be included. While society thinks it's normal to get kids to accept "sometimes you're not in the picture", this is not ok for my 4yr old.
Another 3D concept that rubs me the wrong way; "getting kids to build resilience". I assume mainstream means this in terms of getting kids to accept more force, instead of getting everyone to become less rigid and more flexible, in what they are able to accept, because bigger needs are not being met.
Rather than running trauma loops again and again, I am working to acknowledge the unmet needs behind them, given where my 4yr old is developmentally at, because there is a price to pay for repeatedly flooding the body with extreme emotionality (and for not listening to our unique truth).
My 8yr old has fear and pain around her belly button most nights. I know the fear, I can see it in the closed (tiny dot, almost disappearing) left little toe of her Kirlian photos, pre and post treatment :
... I can move the energy (change the picture with treatment), but I still cannot open that left little toe, and now the left ring and middle toes are closing in too. Maybe this is the way out it needs to come out, we will see in our next photo.
Leaving my first meeting with ROCK, the front of my left knee suddenly hurt (because she questioned me on whether I had taken my 8yr old to get her stomach assessed to rule out a physical cause). The pain impacted my ability to walk, and then I had issues with my large intestines. Something I've experienced before, letting go of the fear of stepping into my power: https://www.yourlifeplan.ca/post/2019/01/26/society-is-going-to-drop-you-if-you-decide-to-colour-outside-of-the-lines
...but now I know how to use RestoreChi to restore health and balance, and how to monitor my thoughts, emotions, and choices to sustain it.
According to Esogetic Medicine, the left little toe represents kidney-bladder, the left ring toe represents the gallbladder, and the left middle toe represents garbage not being cleared from the brain. This is not where mainstream medicine would be looking for fear and pain around the belly button. And my kids wouldn't accept their solutions either (surgery, medication, hospitalization, or further tests with needles).
My 8yr old's wound started when she consisted of just a few cells, cells that divided to create her entire body. It should be no surprise that her fear and pain have representation everywhere, not just in the place where she says it hurts.
I've delayed healing it, because I wanted to know everything first, but there is always more to know.
Even my 11yr old has chronic sleep issues, which roles into chronic mood, detox, and food choice issues. I have to trust that I will heal what I am supposed to heal, when I am supposed to heal it. Some of these illnesses and resistances keep my kids out of what is not right for them. Society doesn't take a polite "no thank you" from a child, but they will certainly accept a destroyed classroom and scratched up bleeding face or arms as "yeah, she's not ready". This is a culture of force. And it doesn't stop there!
This morning I had a beautiful example of a lot of this. My 11yr old has been home from school for 3 days. I struggle to drop him off when he has tears in his eyes, and he can barely talk because his body is trying to expel phlegm. I told him to get ready when I showered, and I was frustrated to find him asleep in bed when I got out of the shower. He didn't sleep well last night and was finally able to get to sleep in that moment. I used the energy from my frustration to push him to get going, but then I had the obvious choice to continue to feel frustrated so I can show his dad that I did my best, or drop it, because the energy was hurting my body - this is why and how we do eventually need to regulate our emotions and make good choices (the follow on from my previous article, shared above). But we also need to find a middle ground with the school, that him arriving at school a few hours late is better than not at all, and they (kids and staff alike) need to accept this without judgement (or side comments about what they think he should do).
Back to my knee hurting after a session with ROCK, that was both supportive and questioned whether I was dropping the ball by not involving mainstream medicine in the diagnostic care of my child...
Many healers, even in RestoreChi or Esogetic Medicine, will say "you have to do bloodwork to know the status of your health in the 3rd dimension" or "you need to get this checked, to see if it's landed in the body and has resulted in cellular change".
The Kirlian (from Esogetic Medicine), in theory, shows problems 6 months before they can be detected through medical (3D) tests. But when I ask my 11yr old if he's willing to go for a blood test, he asks "how are they going to get the blood out of my body?" and when I say "with a needle" and he says "no". Why? Because he is vaccine injured. We stopped vaccinating him at 18 months, because his reactions to vaccines and the doctor were so strong that the doctor didn't want to vaccinate him again until she regained his trust, she never did. Which means her greatest fear came true: "if he can't trust her, then she can't treat him when he is ill".
I would have added "outdated science" to the title of this article, if I could, but I was at the character limit. But, listening to the counselor at ROCK tell me what kids are not able to do until age 14-25yrs, knowing my kids have the capacity to do those some of things but my husband does not, I think some of our theories are based on how our parents raised their kids, but not necessarily on how we raise our kids.
Raising children in a culture of force causes brain damage that is then normalized as development.
I'm reading this book:
....and I am realizing that I didn't make it through my teenage years ok. I experienced neglect as a child and abuse as I crossed into adolescence.
This book shares that, in the past, the adolescent period was much shorter, so it was less dangerous, because purpose was found quickly, in working and being a parent. Our current culture draws out adolescence, which some could say "it's good to let kids develop their education and make good money and enjoy life before having kids and doing that phase of life" but then we also have people who grow up and say "I never want to have kids" which usually means "my parents gave me such a bad example, that I don't want to risk repeating it, I'd rather not do that part of life this time around".
There are so many things we are not allowed to judge, and yet so many things our kids are judged for. My youngest says the inside of her nose bothers her, so she puts her fingers inside to wipe any small minute amount of crust away, so she is not bothered by it, and she doesn't want to leave class every time she feels the need to do this, just to make other people feel more at ease. She also asks me to scratch her back from time to time, and she licks around her lips until its raw (like many kids do). In Esogetics, the outside of the lips are an indication of the health of the digestive organs (the lips are an indication of the health of our intestines, together they make up our ability to hear our instinctive truth). The nose is the fruit of lungs related to our skin, and our ability to shed, let go, and grieve. In time, I will find a way to heal, what is bothering her now, and the mean time I need to find a middle ground between her doing her best to address what is bothering without feeling the shame others would put upon her because of their own fear and conditioning.
Three kids in therapy means I have to grow with them too (not just go with them), it's going to call the things that need healing to the surface. One of them is helping my 4yr old feel safe if I am not there.
As I mentioned above, I was shaken after my first session with ROCK because they pointed out that I do not have a photo to rule out a physical cause for my 8yr old's pain around her belly button. This is probably because the pain is easily resolved by applying a RestoreChi track, so why would I take her out of the comfort of her home and routine, to be poked, prodded, and x-rayed, exposed to others who are sick, all at a cost to her health.
The Medical Medium is also famous for pointing out how the science we are working with is outdated, and he says: "If you don’t have any specific concerns, you should just listen to your body and take note of any changes. Blood work unfortunately only shows what’s circulating in the blood, not necessarily what’s in the body."
Of course there are people who will disagree. I've also heard that a person can be healed on a higher dimension, but their scan will still show the tumor, because the healing has yet to land in the 3rd dimension. You can have a client who feels so much better, and then you show them a scan of their physical tumor, and they recreate the illness with fear and doubt, discounting all the work they've done and how far they have come.
It's a delicate balance that I am trying to walk, and the only way to do so is to trust life. Trust that I will be nudged to intervene, change, or grow, when that is what is needed (like emailing the school to ask for a sanctioned late arrival for my 11yr old, mentioned above), and that I will be allowed to simply watch it unfold, when my education needs to come from there instead.
We are raised to be so scared "if you don't do this you will die or be ostracized or shamed", and yet there are so many things we are supposed to turn a blind eye to now, but there's still room for improvement.
I am bothered by people hurting themselves and putting others at risk, but I am not "supposed" to be bothered by either of these things because it's their life, their choice. We can try to avoid or compensate for the damage we believe is being done, and we need to be mindful that our concern isn't so extreme to also throw off our health.
It's a tricky line. Just like many of my articles, I don't know that I can possibly pull it together, until I do.
My 8yr old's pain around her belly button returns because I have yet to heal her original fear. As I alluded to above, she was born via IVF, her conception and first 3 days of cellular life, she was not inside me or with her parents. Her fate was decided upon by judgement of worth, until I overrode their medical/scientific/political opinion, and said "I'm never going to do this process again, transfer my embryos and let us go home, I don't care about whether I might be disappointed". I then proceeded to have a very difficult pregnancy and she had many trips to the hospital pre and post birth. Medical trauma is a very real thing, but I was with her the entire way, and I still am, until we can heal this. This is why she recreates her illness, her stomach pain. The cellular trauma, the need, has yet to be met and resolved, recognised, addressed, and released. And then repeat, for all 3 kids, myself, my husband, and all my clients.
And this is it. Trying to figure out how to raise my kids, in a society that gets their panties in a bunch over things that they should just get over and not push onto kids, while finding the right developmental age to enter my kids into a system so they can learn how to work with it, and the degree to which I should teach them to accommodate the irrational fears (with underlying valid needs) of others. Just like my 8yr old's fears and needs, which I'm still trying to figure out how to address, while holding space with her for what is, until we find the release valve.
This to me is life. Not everyone will choose to focus their life on trying to heal. And that means pacing oneself in moments of pain and pleasure. It's a journey, it's not solved overnight, but sometimes you hit the right nail on the head and it does just go away like that. And sometimes you pull a pin and you release a wild roller coaster, that you can barely keep aboard, but the experience is like none other, cherished, though not wanting to repeat again, for a while if ever, the next wild ride will be different.
All this to say "if you don't know, that's ok", there is a way to know how to make decisions that will take you to what you're meant to experience in life, and there are ways to see where the flow of your life is blocked, so we can try to open up the flow and connection to your life program again.
While the subjective experience is what matters most, we have to be mindful, even with a Kirlian image, that we can both see the monster that is coming for us, and know that we have time to divert it, so it doesn't have to land in the body and create physical cellular change or destruction. That said, we are all going to have an experience of death. How much time we have left, we won't know, unless we can assess it in the 3rd dimension, knowing again, that things can appear in 3D that do not subjectively impact the life, unless the life stands to benefit from the lesson. People have deformities in their spine, for example, that they don't feel if the lesson is not for them. The body receives an injury from an accident only if it serves the life, to teach that lesson.
Life is both far more complex and far more simple than we are taught, and the goal is to walk the central column, the curving S at the middle of the yin yang, the calm part of the stream, hitting neither the bank of mental rigidity nor the rough waters of emotional turmoil.
And then to add to all that, the boundaries between us are not really boundaries either, we impact each other so much, all the time, because we are a unified field, impacted by the energy each of us puts out, far more than breathing the same air, with little ability to shield ourselves from the chaos each person has the capacity to create, on so many levels. This is why it is so hard to be human. But I know you've got this, and if you need support, it's available.
Here are some more books that I look forward to reading:
...with many books left unfinished on my shelves, waiting for their time, or not in resonance with me, but that I have yet to trust that I can let them go, and still be serving the whole.
The primary thing I hear from people who work with me for long enough (be it a parent or teacher) is that "it feels so much better to be kind to self and others" (they are grateful that I have modelled for them another way). Of course, the majority of people are not opened to this concept. They didn't get the love growing up, they didn't heal that wound, they can't accept or allow others to enjoy what they didn't have. But you would not have made it this far into this article, if this applied to you.
💕